The crystal maze returns for a new series - ITV sign amanda holden as the maze master

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The return of The crystal maze - Amanda Holden gets the wink from ITV to take up Richard O’Brien’s mad mad mantle

The amazing news that The crystal maze could be returning to our tellies had us all at Tuppence HQ (aka the good ship my house) waiting with baited breath for more info. Firstly, who have they got in mind to replace the smack-eye-crazy Richard O’Brien’s maze master character and his follower mad-as-a-box-of-poisonous-tree-frogs Ed Tudor-Pole? Maybe they’re dusting off Timmy Mallet, who’s been in storage at ITV central since the dark and sad end of Wacaday in 1992, or perhaps wild eyed former Dr Who David Tennant might be earmarked for the role (scalp him and he’s a definite O’Brien lookalike). Neither of these genuinely genius options are going to happen sadly. The truth is that the role of maze master looks like it might be going to Amanda Holden. How’s that for anti-climactic.

For me, the only way that this could work on any level is if they shave her head with a Bic razor, dress her up in a kaki military outfit from the Carry on up the Kyber/It aint half hot mum unused costume basket and get her p*ssed out of her tiny little mind on Babysham before each and every show.

However, despite the news, I’m still sort of looking forward to the possibility of a return to the maze. If it retains any of the old school genius then it could be worth a watch every now and again.

In all fairness, it used to be ace, the rooms were brilliant and the thought of being trapped in a room for the remainder of the shows used to instil genuine terror in the contestants as they grappled across perilous swing bridges to get the crystal and get out of the room before the timer ran out.

The word is that the new format could have celebs as its puzzlers and you know that means Dean Gaffney, looking glum and sitting in a locked room for half an hour is on the cards in the not too distant future.

No date-to-air has been released yet, but hopefully that just gives the ITV guys enough time to take my suggestions on board. Start the ruddy fans.

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